The question “Why am I an Addict?” is something I asked myself a lot in the early days of recovery.
Over time the answer has not miraculously been answered but that need to know has completely left me. I am not sure why it seemed so important at the time but for some reason I wanted an explanation.
What exactly causes addiction?
It could be that some people have a predisposition to addiction, maybe it runs in the family and it is hereditary. Some people believe we are weak-willed people that could have stopped but didn’t, that we crossed the “invisible line” and there is now no going back. Sometimes there is a traumatic event that sets off addiction but is that the cause of the addiction? Some people think it is due to lack of education or the bad environment you grow up in.
We have alcoholics and addicts in our family so perhaps there is something in the hereditary aspect.
Regarding the upbringing and lack of education well that certainly didn’t apply to me. My parents are amazing, they sent me to a good school and I had a wonderful and loving home life. So that wasn’t it.
I started drinking alcohol and smoking weed when I was 14. When I started drinking I found I could not stop, I drank to get drunk and I could not control myself. Yes it is true that I went through some very traumatic events at that age. It may have sparked my addiction off but I honestly don’t believe it was the cause of it.
I have memories of when I was about 5 years old. I would go to my mom and tell her I wasn’t well so she would give me Stopayne which has Codeine in it. I would also climb on top of the cupboard, open the “child-proof” medical box and drink it out the bottle. Something in me told me this was wrong which is why I did it in secret.
Stopayne has Codeine in it, the same narcotic component in Cocaine. In my twenties I tried Cocaine for the first time and in no time at all this became my drug of choice. You can read all about that in the ebook I wrote about my addiction.
These memories of my young days just prove to me that I have always been an addict. Maybe traumatic events moved it along a little faster but I do believe it was inevitable.
Do you ever ask yourself the question “Why am I an addict?”. Have you found any answers?