Getting Through My Miscarriage (Mostly) Sober

This year started off so well for me. I even wrote a blog on Wealthy Affiliate titled 2018 Is Going To Be Amazing because business was coming in and I was feeling so positive. 2018 was going to be the year it all came together for me. I could feel it!

Just two weeks later I found myself in hospital finding out that I was pregnant (huge shock here since I was sterilized), I was losing my baby and my life was in danger. I had an ectopic pregnancy, which is where the fetus embeds outside the womb. There is no chance the baby will be able to make it because it was in my tube and my tube had ruptured. I had internal bleeding and if they didn’t operate I would die.

Honestly I drove to hospital convinced that my appendix had burst and praying for anything else. Funny how you pray for something and then realize that the first option would have been so much easier.

Getting Through My Miscarriage (Mostly) Sober

If you have been following my blog or read my ebook then you will know that my addiction has taken me to some dark and ugly places. The thing is that this experience I went through less than 2 months ago was so intensely painful, it beats anything that I have ever been through hands down. I’ve been beaten, I’ve been abused and I’ve been raped. And I’m still standing… but this miscarriage brought me to my knees.

I didn’t want another baby, that is why I had my tubes cut when my son was born in 2013. But that doesn’t change how I felt when I found out I was pregnant. It was a shock, but it was my baby. Then I was losing it. Having that come at me out of the blue knocked me so flat I can’t even describe the feeling.

One of the big things for me being an addict is that I struggle to cope with intense feelings. My coping mechanism for so many years was drugs and alcohol that it can be very hard for me to sit with uncomfortable feelings and just feel them.

After my opI remember clearly lying on the operating table feeling the anesthetics stinging in my arm, about to knock me out. Tears rolling out of my eyes, wondering how on earth I got to this place. I was just feeling the shock and it felt like seconds later when I woke up vomiting and crying. It was done, my baby was gone.

A few hours after the operation a doctor came in to see me and he said he sees on my chart I am an addict and that I have been prescribed an anti-inflammatory and paracetamol, but he just wants me to know that if I do need it he has prescribed morphine. I was nauseas, emotional and in pain. I told him thank you, I will let him know.

I closed my eyes and I thought about the absolutely divine oblivion that morphine would bring me. All this pain would magically go away, I could block the events of the last few hours out.

It dawned on me suddenly that not once did I think about the physical pain while considering taking morphine, I didn’t care about the physical pain. I wanted my mind to be blotto. I wanted respite from the emotional and spiritual pain I was in.


When the doctor came back to check on me I asked him to please scratch out the morphine on my chart. I must not have it. It hurt just saying that to him. I was going to do this the hard way, the recovery way. Have I said yet how much I resent paracetamol? I’m not sure but really I do. When everyone else is getting all the good stuff I get paracetamol after an operation. That stuff doesn’t even work for a headache… but I will take them anyway and just hope that they do something.

A week after my operation I went to my GP for a checkup and he said I had a slight infection so I was put on antibiotics. He asked me how the pain was and I told him awful so he gave me some more meds. I barely looked at the meds, I was struggling to cope and I have had the same GP for nearly 7 years.

That was on a Monday afternoon. On the Wednesday afternoon at about 4pm I started feeling edgy, anxious and short tempered. I checked my watch to see if it was time for my meds… still a few hours till meds time. Then I started grinding my teeth…. and connected the dots. My husband was home early and I asked him to please check the medication. He came back to me and said it doesn’t look like there is anything addictive. But I knew. I could feel it. The hunger. I asked him to check everything in it online for me please.

I was too jittery and uncomfortable to do it myself. I was in the bedroom and I kept the door closed.

He came back and told me it has Tramadol in it. Geez I even published a blog post on my website about Tramadol. Forehead slap.

I couldn’t believe it had taken me 3 days to realize I was high. I felt so darn stupid. Then again I had been feeling dissociated a lot since the operation, so maybe I shouldn’t be so hard on myself.

I phoned my mother to let her know, just to be on the safe side. Who knows what might happen even though I have  years clean time behind me. It was a little scary. I looked up the withdrawal symptoms of Tramadol and it looked quite rotten but I had not been taking more than was prescribed and it was only 3 days of use.

I take Seroquel in small doses to help me with my insomnia and when I am struggling with my bipolar disorder or under a lot of stress I chat to my doctor and increase my Seroquel dosage for a while.

I got hold of my GP on whatsapp and let him know he gave me addictive medication and asked if I could double up my Seroquel for the night to get myself to sleep and he said that is fine, along with an apology.

Fortunately I fell asleep quite quickly and aside from feeling a little but ditsy for a couple of days I coped fine, thankfully.

Beautiful white and pink flowers

A number of people have told me that I should take this further with my GP but really this is as much my responsibility in my eyes. Every time I get prescribed medication I have always reminded my GP and when I ask the pharmacist for over the counter medication I always tell him too. When I get home with any new medication I always do a final check before taking anything.

This time I did none of those things, I was prescribed medication and I came home and took it. It is a lesson for me to never left my guard up. My recovery is my responsibility.

The funny thing is that when the physical pain starting easing up it was awful. When I was in physical pain it took my attention away from  my emotional pain. When the physical pain was gone then I started having to face what I was feeling emotionally. It reminded me of when I used to cut myself to get away from what I was feeling.

It’s been 7+ weeks since my miscarriage and things are a lot easier now. For the first few weeks it was such a roller-coaster of pain and tears. I did write about my miscarriage on my parenting blog 10 days after it happened, but I couldn’t quite get the courage or strength to share about it here too until now.


Here are some of the things that helped me to get through this awful experience sober (or mostly anyway):

  • Talking about my feelings with my husband, mom, sisters and close girlfriends.
  • Writing – both on my blog and in my journal.
  • Being kind to myself – avoiding negative self talk and being loving towards myself.
  • Resting and allowing myself to be sad. Letting myself cry when I felt overwhelmed.
  • Having a session with my counselor when I got out of hospital.
  • Remembering that this is a process and my healing won’t be in a straight line.
  • Allowing myself to grieve for my lost baby.

There are still so many moments of sadness and lots of tears. I can hardly think about what happened without shedding some tears.

Life is going to throw curve balls and even in long term recovery there will be tough moments. Being clean doesn’t mean that things are always going to be easy, in fact some of the hard moments are really intense, but I don’t need drugs or alcohol to blot them out. I can face them and I can get through it in one piece.

What hard things have you had to face in recovery?

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Discover The Dark Side Of Prescription Drugs

Let’s talk about drugs. No, not those type of drugs. I’m talking about the drugs that you can buy over the counter or that you were prescribed by a medical professional. These drugs are considered to be legal, and because of their legality, we often believe them to be safe. Is this the case? Not always and there are a number of dangers linked to legal drugs that you need to be aware of. So, what are the issues with legal drugs?

Prescription Drugs

They Can Be Addictive

If you check into a rehab centre, you will often find that there are a lot of people there who are addicted to legal narcotics rather than other common culprits like coke and meth. The reason for this is simple. We are, as a nation and even globally a drug taking culture. We take supplements to keep us fit and well, we take meds to make us feel better and ensure we don’t miss days of work and we take drugs even if we’re only feeling a little under the weather. To put this in perspective, a worrying stat reveals that eighty percent of opiates are prescribed by twenty percent of prescribers. As such, there is clearly an issue here, and they can be addictive. This type of addiction can ultimately result in death. A clear sign that a prescription doesn’t make a drug safe.

Legal And Illegal?

Legal vs Illegal drugs

Perhaps you have dealt with an addiction to a drug like heroin. You might find that a rehab clinic prescribes you with a different drug to weed you off the heroin – methadone. Methadone is just as addictive as heroin, is an opiate thus has a similar impact on the brain, and it has been linked to a number of deaths in rehab patients. As such, you need to be careful how much you take and even then you could still be in danger.




Side Effects

You might think that drugs prescribed by doctors are 100 percent safe, but that’s not true. There are plenty that have serious side effects. Although the risk of these side effects can be minor, the outcome can be great if you are one of the unlucky. You can, for instance, lose your senses from smell to hearing. If you do develop hearing loss after taking a prescribed drug, it’s important to contact a doctor immediately. Researchers at the Ear Science Institute and other similar labs may be able to reverse the effects if it’s caught early enough. Can you hold your doctor accountable for this type of prescription issue? Only if they didn’t advise you of the risks before you took the drug.




Altering Your Immune System

Finally, when you take drugs, you need to realise that you can actually weaken your immune system. If you are too reliant on meds to fix a medical issue, then it’s quite possible that your body will be weaker next time it needs to deal with an illness. This is why you should make sure that you are only using drugs if an illness lasts for more than two weeks or gets worse.

You see, although legal, prescription drugs are, in many ways, no better than the pills you can score on the streets.

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Does Tramadol Get You High?

Tramadol is a prescription drug; it is not banned unlike Cocaine, ecstasy, and other drugs in that category. However, it is an opiate just like heroin, codeine, methadone or morphine which means it can acts on opioid receptors in the brain to help the user relieve pain and also increases serotonin levels which will lead to a feeling of euphoria and pleasure.




This drug is a synthetic opioid analgesic which means it is used as a painkiller to manage different levels of pains such as arthritis or pain experienced after surgery. Your doctor may prescribe Tramadol for you if you are experiencing serious pain. Taking this drug in a moderate amount will help you to experience longer lasting pain relief without the need to ingest more pain-relieving medications.

Tramadol drug is categorized as a schedule IV substance. Taking tramadol in the amount prescribed by your doctor will likely lead to no side effects or addictions. However, there have been cases of many people who overdose on this drug and some suffering from the side effects of tramadol. Overall, the side effects of tramadol is not as serious as that of heroin or morphine

Does Tramadol Get You High

Can I get High on Tramadol?

Yes, you can get high on tramadol. However, unlike cocaine or ecstasy, it carries a lower risk of addiction since it has mild euphoric effects and in some cases, it is imperceptible.

It is also very possible to get addicted to tramadol. However, the risk of getting addicted to tramadol is lower than other opioids. A research showed that some patients who take this drug for a long time may develop a tolerance which leads to patterns of abuse. The drug can as well trigger addiction in the people with no history of drug addiction.

The effect of tramadol will vary among different users. You can get high depending on how much you went over the safe limit. Some people who take tramadol may never experience a euphoric sensation or become high.

You are more likely to become high by taking tramadol when you are not suffering from pain. Some users prefer to take 50mg, while there are others who prefer to take 100mg or 200mg. You can as well become high by taking tramadol for its medicinal purposes.

What Are the Desired Effect of Tramadol?

The main objective of tramadol is to kill pain for a longer period of time. However, most users abuse this drug to feel good. It shares the same effects with heroin and morphine but much weaker.

Some of the desired effects from abusing tramadol include:

  • Euphoric feeling
  • Lack of pain
  • Elated mood
  • Anxiety reduction
  • Feelings of warmth
  • Feelings of well-being
  • Better sexual performance
  • A state of relaxation




What Are the Side Effects of Tramadol?

The problem is that most people take tramadol for recreational uses as a result of their addiction which usually leads to a host of side effects. On the other hand, one may suffer from these side effects as a result of the irresponsible or careless use of this drug.

Some of these side effects include:

  • Dry mouth
  • Loss of appetite
  • Dizziness
  • Headache
  • Difficulty falling asleep
  • Nausea
  • Diarrhea
  • Constipation
  • Tremulousness
  • Sweating

In some cases, abuse of tramadol can lead to serious side effects such as:

  • Agitation
  • Fever
  • Hallucinations
  • Hives and blisters
  • Lack of coordination
  • Rapid heartbeat

What Are the Long-Term Effect of Tramadol?

In most cases, doctors won’t agree to prescribe tramadol for a long term use because of its side effect. Using tramadol for a very long time can lead to a lot of undesirable consequences. Some of these consequences include:

  • Tolerance

Too much intake of tramadol can lead to high level of tolerance. This means the user will need a higher amount of the drug to feel the effect.

  • Physical Dependence

When taken for a long time, the body will now depend on the drug to function properly. In most cases, the user will become sick if he stops taking the drug.

  • Cognitive Decline

Just like other opioids in this category, taking tramadol for a long time will affect the way you reason. Your brain function will be impaired and you may find it more difficult to understand some easy task.

Seeking Help

Are you or your loved one addicted to tramadol? There is no need to feel shame and avoid seeking treatment. The only way out is by talking to a professional who understands how you can safely withdraw from using the drug. Speak to an expert concerning your tramadol abuse and request for treatment before the problem gets worse.

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The Science Behind How Opioids Affect the Human Brain

Did you know that in 2015 more than 52,000 Americans died of drug overdoses? Approximately 33,000 of these were from opioids, according to the CDC. This includes prescription painkillers and heroin.

But while almost everyone has heard about opioids, not many know how they affect the human brain.

And of this reason, we’re shedding some insight on how they affect the brain, and how their abuse became pandemic.

Read on!

how opioids affect the human brain

Some Basic Facts About Opioids

When you get a headache, you probably reach for an aspirin or ibuprofen. These belong to a class of drugs known as NSAIDs or nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs.

Opioids are also a class of medicines that relieve pain. Some examples include morphine and codeine. Heroin has no acceptable medical use in the United states and is roughly 2 to 3 times more potent than morphine.

Humans make natural opiate-like molecules, which attach to special receptors in the brain. These molecules send signals that block pain, slow breathing, and calm the body down, especially during times of stress.

But, in cases of extreme pain or severe depression, natural opioids aren’t as effective. This is why many turn to synthetic opioid drugs. Taking opioids reduces the perception of pain by overwhelming the brain’s reward system with dopamine.

The Science Behind Opioid Addiction

Dopamine is a neurotransmitter present in brain regions that regulate movement, emotion, motivation, and the feeling of pleasure.

Taking opioids increases the amount of dopamine in the brain’s limbic reward system. This dopamine overload produces euphoric effects. People who abuse drugs seek to recreate this rush again and again.

This is how our brain works. Life-sustaining activities become associated with pleasure or reward. Whenever you get a jolt of pleasure while eating or exercising, this is why.

Opioids activate the same reward circuit. A brain on opioids notes that this action is pleasurable and should, thus, be repeated.

Opioid Withdrawal

Withdrawal is one of the reasons why one can’t just go cold turkey on opioids. Repeated use and increasing dosages of opioids alter the brain so much. Without them, neurons will release excessive amounts of noradrenaline (NA).

NA is also a neurotransmitter produced in the brain and peripheral nervous system. Arousal and regulation of blood pressure, as well as sleep and mood, are due to NA.

Excess NA will trigger withdrawal symptoms including jitters, anxiety, muscle cramps, and diarrhea.

Helping Opioid Addicts

Naloxone is a popular treatment for overdose. It works by pushing opiates off brain receptors for 20 to 90 minutes. That is plenty of time for the victim to regain consciousness.

There are also drugs such as methadone and buprenorphine. These make it easier for addicts to avoid the physical symptoms of withdrawal.

Medical interventions are just one part of the solution. Prescott House Addiction Treatment Program, for example, follows the principle that recovery is a process involving the mind, body, and spirit.

Medications must be used together with appropriate psychosocial treatments to be effective. Not all addicts are the same. One’s treatment plan should be based on an individual’s unique situation.

When it comes to recovery, there is really no singular path that everyone must follow.

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The Importance of Medically Supervised Addiction Treatment for Young Adults

The teenage years are really tough enough as it is with raging hormones, so when you add in a substance abuse problem it can become a complicated problem.

Many teens experiment with drugs or alcohol with little or no consequences at all, however there are a lot of teenagers that very quickly get stuck in the cycle of addiction. If you find out your teenager has been using drugs or alcohol you must take steps to find out the depth of the problem.

Because teenagers are not yet fully developed their views can be very limited. Very often teenagers simply cannot fully comprehend the severity of the consequences of their using and of their own behavior due to using.




For this reason if your teenager has a substance abuse problem it really is best to ensure you find an addiction treatment center that offers specialized addiction treatment for young adults.

When choosing a rehab for your teenager it is also important to choose a medically supervised addiction treatment program that will help to ensure the best possible outcome for your child.

Medically Supervised Addiction Treatment for Young Adults

Here are the reasons why a medically supervised addiction treatment program is so important for young adults:

A Medically Supervised Detox

Just to put it simply, withdrawal from certain drugs can be dangerous, even deadly which means a medical detox can mean the difference between life and death for your teenager.

There are many drugs that require detoxification, including alcohol, heroin and opiate related drugs, and certain prescription drugs such as Xanas, Oxycontin, Vicodin, and Hydrocodone. Withdrawal symptoms can have severe side effects which can be fatal if not properly treated.

Detoxing from these drugs may cause vomiting, trembling, nausea, suicidal thoughts, hallucinations, seizures, and comas.




Trained medical professionals can help to manage these life threatening symptoms by administering medication to wean the addict off of the drug, decrease physical withdrawal symptoms and prevent seizures.

Medical staff are on hand to check vital signs, evaluate mental and physical progress and provide support to the patient throughout the withdrawal process.

There are also other drugs that do not usually require a medical detox, these include marijuana, cocaine, and crystal methamphetamine. Withdrawal symptoms are not so severe ranging from a feeling of tiredness to extreme irritability and agitation.

Very often medical detox is given for these drugs for other reasons such as the patient feels they cannot stop without medical intervention, they have become psychotic from drug use and need a medical intervention, they feel they are a danger to themselves (suicidal) or perhaps they just don’t have anywhere else to go.

It is much safer for an addict to go through a medical detox than to try and attempt it from home, not just from the viewpoint of the physical and mental dangers associated with detox, but also because relapse is a lot more likely when attempting to detox without medical help.

When a drug addict goes back to using drugs during or just after withdrawal their tolerance is usually much lower making an overdose more likely.

Addiction and Dual Diagnosis

When a patient is diagnosed with a substance abuse problem and a mental health issue it is referred to as a dual diagnosis.

Common mental health disorders that occur in conjunction with addiction and substance abuse problems are:

  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Schizophrenia
  • Personality Disorders
  • Mood Disorders (such as Bipolar Disorder)

It may be that a drug addict starts to develop mental health issues when, after chronic drug use, the brain function alters.

Alternatively someone with mental health issues may attempt to treat the symptoms of their mental disorder by taking drugs. For example someone suffering from anxiety may smoke marijuana in an attempt to calm themselves and through prolonged use becomes addicted.




Regardless of which disorder occurs first it is essential that the addiction and the mental health disorder be treated at the same time. The symptoms and effects of the mental disorder can trigger and drive the addiction and vice versa.

At least 30% of people that are suffering with a substance abuse problem have mental health issues.

For these reasons it really is important for teenagers (and any other addict) to be treated at a medically supervised, dual diagnosis addiction center.

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